There IS A Wrong Way To Use A Thumb

August 20, 2008

Continuing last week’s theme, Maddie had one more doctor visit this week. This appointment was with the NICU Clinic for a follow-up. She was last seen in April, where the doctors and nurses deemed her awesome. I felt pretty confident that, despite her size, they were going to feel the same way about her this time around.

I sent Mike off to the appointment with Maddie (damn work) with a very detailed list of her medications, nutrition, and medical history. I knew at this visit there would be child development specialists to determine if Maddie was on track for her adjusted age. We weren’t worried. Maddie amazes us every day.

The development specialists spent about an hour and fifteen minutes with Maddie and Mike. They had her reach for toys, watched her to see if she passed toys back and forth between her two hands, tried to get her to roll over, stuff like that. Maddie got a bit of stage fright and refused to roll over, but the specialists said they were pleased with how she held her body when she was on her tummy.

They also checked Maddie to see how well she followed things with her eyes and head. No problems there, Maddie has excellent vision and practically turns her heard 360 degrees to follow people around the room. Then things started to get dicey. They wanted to see if Maddie knew her name. “Madeline!” they called. Nothing. Mike suggested they say her nickname, so they sang out, “Maddie!” She turned. Yay! Then one of the specialists said, “Sally!” and Maddie turned. Damn it, Maddie! Mike started to sweat at this point.

The specialists then went back and had Maddie reach for things again. As she would reach for the toys hanging in front of her, the specialists would jot things down on their pads of paper. At this point, Mike was wiping the sweat off his forehead. They tried to get Maddie “talk” to them. That baffles me. Can anyone get their baby to blab away on command? Weird. When the specialists were done, they left the exam room as Mike shouted, “She rolls over at home! All the time! And talks! All the time! And she tries to crawl! And she can write her name! IN CURSIVE!!!”

A nurse practitioner came back in the room to give Mike the results. Maddie was given the score of “average” for cognitive and language skills. Her motor skills? BORDERLINE. WTF? Mike asked what that was about, and was told that Maddie uses her thumb “incorrectly.” Um, wha? Apparently, when she was getting evaluated, Maddie would close her thumb into her hand - sort of like when you make a fist with your thumb on the inside instead of on the outside. According to the development specialists, this is a Very. Big. Deal. So big a deal that Maddie now qualifies for therapies provided by Regional Center. And that’s all well and good - I am glad that she will have some outside help because Regional Center does great work. But then the nurse dropped this bomb:

“She will have to wear thumb loops.”

A what now? Well, a thumb loop is a wrist brace that puts her hand and thumb in the correct position to grab, manipulate, and release objects. Greeeaaaaat. So, Maddie has to wear braces on her hands now. That will go over with her really well. I hope they are saliva-proof, because those braces will spend more time in her mouth than facilitating functional use of her hands.

I am trying to figure out why this is bothering me so much. I mean, really, of all the things that could be borderline, I am glad it’s her thumbs, you know? I guess I just don’t get it. As I said in an email to my friend Stefanie, unless Maddie is going to start punching bitches, I don’t really care if she doesn’t form a fist properly. But if she IS going to start punching bitches, then we have to work on this thumb thing. I can’t allow her to break her thumb when she pops a bitch in the nose, you know? And I clearly already have competition issues because I can’t stand that Maddie didn’t score “awesome” again. I don’t blame Maddie, though - obviously the evaluators are at fault. OMG - am I going to be that parent who yells at the umpire or hires a contract killer to murder Maddie’s cheerleading competition?

Do they have Regional Center for hyper-competitive moms?

Category Posted in Doctor Schmoctor, no one's in the hospital, the famous Madeline 29 Comments »

Lunch Time Stripper

August 19, 2008

When I’m feeling stressed out or I need a pick me up, I treat myself to a spa pedicure. As you know, I despise feet. I don’t even like to touch my own. However, I have no problem with people touching mine. In fact, if I didn’t have someone work on my tootsies on a regular basis, they would be horrifying.

By the time my lunch break came around today, I was exhausted. It was too hot to sleep in my car (what, you know you’ve done it), and I felt like I’d crashed on my brother’s couch too much lately. As I walked through the parking lot, I tried to figure out what to do with myself - I certainly wasn’t going to stay at work. That’s when it occurred to me that I should go to the nail salon down the street. I could sit in one of those awesome massage chairs and maybe get a longer foot massage and rest in air conditioning. Perfect.

The nail salon near my office is very clean and new, and everyone that works there is extremely friendly and good at their jobs. I picked out my color (Give Me A Coral Sometime) and sat down in my spa assigned massaged chair. I leaned it back as far as it would go, put the massage setting on “auto” and closed my eyes. My pedicurist was fantastic, she gave me an amazing foot and leg massage - so good that I actually ponied up for the extended ten minute rub. Getting my tired legs and feet worked on while the massage chair does it’s thing on my back is a great way for me to unwind.

I really didn’t think about much of anything when I was sitting in the chair. I forgot how completely silly a person looks in a massage chair. As the rollers glide up and down your back, your body is pushed forward in a rather suggestive manner. This particular chair had rollers that would glide up about an inch and a half, then shake back and forth, causing my body to shimmy from left to right. It felt awesome. I completely forgot that I was wearing a wrap dress that was juuuuuust a little too big on top.

I remembered I was wearing a wrap dress that was juuuuuust a little too big on top when my pedicurist gently placed a towel on my chest. My eyes popped open to see her smiling at me, and she said, “Your dress. It opened.” I peaked under the towel and yeah - my bra and boobs were completely exposed. They’d been jiggling back and forth while the massage chair made my chest do the stripper shimmy. I looked around the salon to see how many people had seen my free show. The women in the chairs to either side of me all had their eyes closed. Phew. But then I looked at the other pedicurists sitting at the foot of each chair, facing toward me. They were all grinning - including the two men who worked in the salon.

When I paid at the front, I felt like I should have been tipped instead of my pedicurist.

Category Posted in Heather, no one's in the hospital, stuff better left unsaid 33 Comments »

Grandpas Are Special Dudes

August 18, 2008

As I’m writing this, there is still about an hour left of my dad’s birthday. He is 30 years older than me, which means next year we’ll both have big birthdays to celebrate.

I didn’t grow up with a grandfather -both of my parents’ fathers passed away before I was old enough to know them. Grandfathers always seemed so cool and mysterious to me because of that. Sort of mythical, in a way. That’s why I think it’s so great to see Maddie interact with my dad.

She adores him. Her face lights up when she sees him. I know he lives to make her laugh, and he succeeds every time they are together.

I am really excited to see their relationship develop over the years. As much as I hope Maddie has a relationship with my mom like the one I had with my grandmother, I have similar desires for Maddie and my dad. I want her to be best friends with both of my parents. I can’t wait to see the memories they create together.